A Thin Line......

Happy Sunday morning to you pretty babies, I had the pleasure of attending the Black Star Album performance by Talib Kweli and Mos Def.  Epic albom/CD, monumental performance.  I'm not one usually on the "rap" scene, but these eloquent, mentally apt (yes children, that is a word in addition to the abbreviation for 'apartment'), humble brothers took a performance to another level.  There was low security and when a problem arose, they turned the light up and handled the situation themselves, like gentleman or better yet concerned fathers.  I almost shed a tear.  Anyway.... let me stop rambling about the show and get to the entertainment, because no one comes to WKTGO for a show.

The "offender" list was so out of control between the hours of 12:30am and 4:30am I can't type fast enough!  I will try my damndest to put it all in sequence.  There is a thin line between a lot of things (love & hate, virtue & virgin, blahhh blahhh you get the idea )and we have some real life examples right here.

First up for bids....... The MTA

Breathe in........

There's a thin Liiiinnnnnnne....  

1. .....Between Coherent and Brain-Warped-  I suppose if you are manning the rails every and all day chanting the messages/stop info to assist the dedicated (dependent) riders that had to wait a light-year for the train to arrive on its weekend schedule,  mush mouth boredom might maybe the result at the end of the shift.  BUT when you have only been at work for 20-30 minutes (on the first run) there is no excuse for you to sound like you ate shrapnel coated rocks with juicy alcohol centers. I mean reallly, WTF?  We were all like, "hey, maybe its the speakers".  But I heard him speak as I exited the train at 42nd Street Times Square sounding like he sprung for the extra shot of gin before the ride.  I wonder if he knows, Gin make you sin.

2. .....Between a Restroom and a Synchronized Swimming Team Prep Station- I tell you, I was ready to start singing Mr. Sandman, swirl around and kick up a leg at the sinks in the BestBuy Theater's ladies room.  It was spectacular with its stainless steel finish, brick red terrazzo-style tiles, ample space, sink, mirrors, stalls, and light fixtures/chandeliers.  But the highlight was the sleeping attendant that awoke before I could get her photograph for you all.  Damnitsamuel!

3. ......Between Preference and Shame- Things got pretty awkward when the song "Brown-Skinned Lady" was performed, knowing that there were so few 'sistas' in the crowd and the 'brothas' has pink/white/yellow (non black or latino)-skinned ladies on there side.  I have never seen a man shrink up like the wicked witch of the east's legs under that house in the Wizard of OZ while standing.   The funny thing was the black guys looked at me like "ummmmmm, errrrrrrr hey you're hot and she's still standing next to me, right?"  Sirs, don't be ashamed of yourself or the woman you chose unless you chose her for the wrong reason (money, faux-status, easy access, etc.).  If you choose the individual based on the things we all go for (looks, body, personality, etc.) I support your decision.  And don't you even think about saying some dumb sh*t about all black women are ____________ (fill in your  own negative stereotypical Hollywood perpetuated bullsh*t).  That is not true of us all.  I like men who are of color, well-tattooed, a few key piercings, may be prone to wear black eyeliner and fingernail polish, but can still sing a church hymn and hold my hand.   This is called preference.  Resolve your 'mama issues (baby mama, your mama, etc.)

And laawwd sweet baby Jesus in the golden loincloth, poor white guys, stealing glances "ohhhhhhh she does have nice skin, are her lady lumps real?  I wonder if she'll let me touch her?  Look at her dance/pop lock!" ROFLMAO  i can't g go on with tis one, its too reckless. 

4. .....Between Inebriated and a Hot A$$-Mess- when Mos has to seriously stop the show and talk to you from the stage and Talib had to get you a bottle of water and eventually removed, because you were soooooooo off-kilter, slurry, belligerent, and obnoxious.... you need to check yourself into rehab.  The real kind.  You sir, get the Jack-A$$ of the Year Award for this one, not just a nod.

5. .....Between Sexy and 'For Sale'- okay gurls, I like to be as sexy as the next lady, but the happens to be something like common decency and a secret dress-code that you must not have gotten wind of.  Lets review.  There is a time and place for every outfit that will assure your freedom and arrest for solicitation.  

  -when wearing mini dresses, please make sure it is the appropriate kind of event.  A conscious hip-hop show in the classiest, intimately-sized digs in Times Square is not the place to look like a reject from School Daze or Sixteen Candles minus a few inches of the spandex skirt. 

-Also, be sure to wear the appropriate legwear, such as pantyhose, tights, leggings, etc. to make it look polished or trendy/funky.  Real men will find this look A LOT more approachable, because they wont fear jail time a charge for being a pimp or a john.  

- If you absolutely must go bare-legged, puuuuhhhhh-llleeeeeeaaaaazzzzzzeeeee, grease up your gams!  Lotion is for summer, so get some butters.... Shea, Mango, Cocoa, Crisco, Chicken/Chittlin' Grease or whatever you have.  Nothing says 42nd Street 1980's hooker like ashy-ass legs and a shirt as a dress. 

Breath out.........

Itchin' For A Kickin'.... Who, Where, What, and Why in NYC

Okay kids, sorry it took me so long to make a new slick-comment, laden post.  I was busy tweeting the rapid fire of hideousness my eyes have had the displeasure/entertainment of experiencing to all those who take the time out for laughter.  Now this post is a spin on the tweets from @who.kicked.it that ask poll questions and other random comments, the new and wonderful segment dedicated on venting on the people that need an ass-kickin' and the reasons why and its called (waaaaiiiit for it........) Itchin For A Kickin'!


First Offender
Who:  75% of the MTA Bus Drivers
Where:  Any given borough
What:   For generally being the worst.  Sideswiping cars with no remorse, ignoring the people wishing to ride the bus, Splashing the people on the sidewalk, and worst of all....putting buses out of service during rush hour for personal gain (cutting last run short, food & toilet runs) 
Why:  To out the worst of the MTA and get jobs to those who deserve them.

Second Offender
Who:  Chicks who wear short shorts and micro minis
Where:  Manhattan, Brooklyn (Wherever Salt-n-Pepa wannabees or Dirty Hippies may be) and the Love and Hip Hop bird, Kimbella (and others like her)
What:  For wearing clothing so short that the cellulite, fajas (girdles), the separation of sheer leg portion of the control top panty portion, confirming that you go commando or wear the wrong size undergarments.
Why:  Because it is reminiscent of the 1980's 42nd st. hookers that Guiliani worked so hard to get rid of and you might get a coochie cold, yeast infection or a summons.

Rants for the Fall..... welcome to Autumn Y'all!

Hello there, my dear people of the world.  I have a few bones to pick with some of the people of NYC.  So without any pomp and circumstance, here they are.
Volume #1
1.  Haters/Hating on fashion- The weather and leaves are changing and our fashion needs to do the same.  I cannot be responsible to those who choose to not adhere to the dress code.  With that being said, don't get pissy with me when I come outside dressed properly.  No one told you to roll out of the bed with those tacky, pilly, sweats and a dirty scarf on your head and walk around with your disrespectful kid (who should be in school at 11:30am), questioning authorities and mean mugging everyone on the sidewalk that gave at least 30 seconds of thought to their daily fashion selection.  Either wear the "tore up get-up"with pride or hang your head in shame.  Pick your choice.  Guys, this includes you too.  Don't give the cute girl a stink face because you feel inferior in your personal presentation.  Maybe she thinks you look okay, so the same solution applies to you.  Either shut up or put up.
2. "Half-Assedness"- If you are not up to par, just admit it.  Don't blame anyone for your shortcomings....period.  If you are a flake, meaning you cancel last minute, extremely late to everything or act funny in your relation/friendship with people, it's time to get yourself straight.  Unless this is a ploy to be alone.  And don' you dare get mad when the person you flake on has a snafu that holds them up from being early for you.  You are not that important and remember you are corny, Mr./Ms. Flake.  
If your are broke, find a job or a legal hustle.  Don't lay around and whine while looking for a job when the mood strikes.  If you live with mom after 30 (i'm being nice), don't say she lives with you (isn't her name on the deed?) and you look to her for all you food, shelter and clothing needs.
There's a little saying in the streets and on the courts, "go hard or go home".  I have a lil' saying from my grandma, "piss on the pot of get off".
3. Improper Labeling- Ok, I know everyone is trying to find that perfect marketing approach to sell, peddle, pimp or pass off anything for something it is not.  Take for instance, the word hand-crafted/handcrafted.  For something to be "handcrafted" it needs to 1. be a craft and 2. made by hand.  Therefore my dirty hippies, hipsters and wall flowers, a beverage, sandwich or any other temporary item  can not be called hand-crafted.  Its a real, "no $hit, sherlock" situation when it comes to food.  What else will it be made by?  Feet?  Lets try out some more appropriate labels.
Drink= Hand-mixed, individually-concocted
Food= Made-to-order
Homemade Blanket= Hand-crafted
Now that we have examples, do you see how stupid these people sound?


until the next time.....

Exceptional Students.... who taught you????

Hey y'all.... sh*t is going crazy in NYC and not just with the weather, but these arguments over the DOE vs. Charter school systems has some validity. Who in the hell taught these people how to spell or compose a sentence?  These are BUSINESS owners and managers making these "special" signs to entice us to patronize their establishments.
Some of the signs are worse than the Tampax commercials we all flip past or make fun of.  Some are in neighborhoods you would never expect.  Others had me in the street trying not to pee on myself from laughing, a instant lift when my day was going crappy otherwise.  So, take a lookie loo, pretty babies.... and tell me would you patronize or purchase from any of these magic monkeys?  Mind you some of the signs are from corporations, What is this world coming to.....?

One word for this proctology clinic ad in Bedstuy Brooklyn...Assaliciousness.

 Check out the Tuesday night Amsterdam special in the fancy mall on the boardwalk of Atlantic City.  Is it Jeremiah Weed Iced Tea Vodka or some homegrown bud with your lemonade?

 What kind of specials are Chinatown spot serving up?  Because i've heard about a 'sex pot' and descriptions of hot and or spicy individuals in massage parlors and such.  It makes me wonder will you be 'loved long time' or have an endless bowl of belly churning mystery meats and veggies?  Check out the lil' monster faced owl-like creature under the smoking bowl.... things that make you go "hmmm".

As Chanel (posing as the black Vanna White) points out in a popular Lower East Side lounge, the upscale white cardboard signage on a string.  This "lavish" VIP area is quartered off by a burgundy movie theater-style curtain..... but the real question is, who went to the hardware store for the letters?

 A hot bagel and a free phone?  How can you go wrong on a monday morning at this Coney Island bodega?

 Are 'arraments' some kind of special service to promote flora and fauna in East Harlem/El Barrio?  And the glitter glue pen artwork and magazine clipped art is stunning on a sheet of copy paper supported by blue blockout tape.

This is ALL kind of 'wrongness' I saw on Sutphin Blvd in Jamaica, Queens.  Not only do you broadcast the fact you have a baby daddy, you are bragging about his status of being superior to the other possible part-time male parents and unattached dead-beats that have honestly earned this moniker, simply by purchasing a ticket.  AND you will be parading him around at an ol' school reggae show for all of Queens and Brooklyn to see.  Then again, this maybe the event to pick up you next child's father that may actually support the child.  Lawd, Lawd, Lawd people.

Is this what happened to the original Afflac duck after he got fired?  This isn't the smoked duck I wanted for dinner, you know.

Is a 'patato' wedge anything like a 'potato' wedge?  I guess the 7Eleven in the Flatiron district seems to think so... but we all learned from previous posts here on WKTGO, just because you think its so, doesn't make it true.

Watch Your Step!

Sooooooo, I understand that NYC isn't the most tidy of places, but come on, if you get this close to a garbage can, JUST THROW IT IN THE BIN!!!!  Just for you, I have the top finds of the summer.....presenting ohhhhhh sh*t, don't step!

 
1.  "Sexual Chocolate"- positioned beautifully in BedStuy as if its a piece of art, I thought for sure I was on Candid Camera or Punk'd.  But the real question is, who put mini-blinds in the bin?2. "Chicken Wang"- gon' an do yo thang!  Look at the fence post... a styrofoam box with fries & wings next to the garbage can. What can anyone say about this in lovely Flushing, NY?  I was speechless too.

3.  Out in a "Manhattan Minute"-  Are you in that much of a hurry that you lose a shoe?  Are you looking for that Prince Charming by leaving your Coach sneaker behind with a Starbucks napkin as a handkerchief?  And for the gentleman's dress shoes.... is this from an episode of Fringe?  Is this an invisible man posing or did he just spontaneously combust?  Because notice the shoes are positioned as if they are in stride.  ONE WORD: stran-ge.

Stay tuned, pretty babies.... There will be another installment sooner than later.  I promise you will take a second look before purchasing or patronizing local businesses (to laugh of course).

Summer's here, are you ready for this???

Summer is here and prep time is done.  But some folks are having some partial adjustment issues.  Don't get me wrong, my little feet aren't opposed to an upgrade or two in the cosmetic department, but 'damnit Jim!' you can't walk around the town with these all too common, reckless issues.

1. Corns, "Hammertime", and The culprit- The reason this type occurrence is attacking summer sidewalks is a result in the prior issue of 'just because you think so, doesn't make it true'.  Just because you think the shoe is smaller, will not make your foot look smaller.  All winter you have jammed and crammed you hooves into the wrong size and now continue to purchase ill-fitted sandals that your poor toe tendons are fighting to stay atop.  Not to mention, that the corns are singing, "hallelujah im free!"

2. "The Vanishing Act"- Ok. I understand this is a recession, but this has been a problem since man discovered indigo and lacquer.
- DIY technicians, you know good and well you didn't use a base or top coat, so suck it up and remove the cracked up polish and start over.  Don't you dare run a fresh coat over that travesty lingering from last month.
-Don't go blaming the Asian nail lady, you must brush a light coat of clear polish on your mani/pedi every three days.  Yeah it seems excessive, but it will have you looking decent until you go for another pampering session.  If you are still sporting that design from last summer that you can't let go of, stop the madness and remove it.  No one knows what it was from last August.  Like a bruk-down California manicure.
- Most importantly (I can't stress this enough).....LOTION YOUR DAMN FEET!  Asian, Black, Hispanic, White people: Ladies and Gents!  Just do it!  If you fear slippery feet, slather it on early or the night before with thin cotton socks.  You feet should not resemble the cracked NYC sidewalks or powder keg coated slave feet.  NO ONE wants crusty feet shredding them to bits.  Freshly manicured toes should be glossy as you gams.

and last, but not least......
3.  "Shrimp Cocktail"-  You might have spent $200 for the sandal but they will look like a pair of $13.88 Gussinni Shoes from the 50% sale rack if you walk around with your toes gripping the edge of your shoe, or worse yet scraping the sidewalk.  If they didn't have your size, have them call another location or better yet, have them shipped to you!  Most stores do this for free nowdays.  Or pull out your Iphone, Android or Crackberry phone to good use and get it on Amazon or something.  This is another victim of "the culprit" waiting to be stricken with "hammertime".

My dear friends, I cannot stress this enough.  Your feet carry you all day long, so be good to them.  They will return the favor.  Pick yourself up and get to scrubbin'!

Just because you think so, doesn't make it true.....

Okay, let me start by saying that fashion has lost its flair in today's society.  Most people wear things that look trifling, utterly retarded (no disrespect to the mentally challenged) or "suspect".  What is does "suspect" mean you ask????  It is the moniker given to those who secretly prefer a gentleman, while posing to be a ladies man.  Which leads me to the list of offenders.

# 1.  Retro Metro Sexuals

Thigh Low Skinny Pants, strapped to the legs with a knock-off designer belt.  We all know the belt is fake if you are running around advertising it.  Swagg speaks for itself, period. Point blank.  Now, WTF is a preppy homo thug (this includes girls, boys, boi, boii, etc.)?!?  A cardigan and plaid boxers with a phatty resting on the waistband?  Or finely arched eyebrows on a a gent, waaaay tighter than his girl's.  Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with ladies and gents that choose to love who they choose.  Love is love.  But I do have a problem with these folks who choose to creep around, unprotected (in their mind, its gay to use protection), lying, and worst of all attacking grown-a$$ people who are proud of their sexuality.  It isn't my choice, or yours...

# 2.  Ratty A$$ weaves, Wigs, Braids, Lace Fronts, and Lashes

When will you ladies learn to find the correct texture, and color of hair?  NO ONE HAS THAT SILKY BARBIE DOLL HAIR OR LASHES!!!!  Its all well and good if you have properly tucked, slicked and trained in your stray hairs (kitchen and baby hairs) or made sure the lash glue has not worn itself out at the club last night before stepping out in the daylight.  But unless you are doing the 'Walk of Shame'.....puh-leeeezzzzze get your mind right.  This is not a comment just for the sistas, because the White girls always sport the worst weaves ever.  Brittney Spears and Paris Hilton are the leading offenders in this field.  Please go see Beyonce's stylist immediately.  Stop looking like Pookie at the Compton Swap Meet found and did your hair.  Depending on your texture, buy the Yaki straight or the Remy hair, please.

# 3.  Snatch Patch or Snorch Scorch Mohawks

Okay, I love a good mohawk, really I do.  But when you have a barber that is clueless on how to achieve this trendy look properly, its time to break out the fitted cap and change stylists.  You should not look like you have been to the Brazilian bikini wax lady to style your tresses or scooped the latest dead squirrel-style a toupee' atop to your head.  Period point blank......Do it right or not at all. 

# 4.   The Dirty Hippie, Faux Naturelle or Rummage sale Look

Please don't do the broke look is best.  Randomly thrown on dirty looking, ill-fitting, ratty clothes, new or used, shouldn't be a part of your wardrobe.  Please don't make people think you are lacking in the three T's:  taste, tact, and thought.  Mixed media is for art, not clothing.  

Please be respectful of others cultural garments.  Don't put on a turban or headwrap, especially if you are simply hiding a bad hair day or trying to look "cool".  That is rude.  The Erykah Ba-don't look is not the way to go.  And wear the proper undergarments, as all the cultures you are mimicking do.

 

Most of all, if your shoes are holey, let them go.  If they are a little wirn and dingy, that's really what the style is supposed to be.  Its SOHO, Not HOBO.  Put them out to pasture and don't donate them ANYWHERE!

# 5.   Broke Avante Garde aka Lady Gaga and Nikki Minaj wannabes

If you choose to do a very eccentric look ( I have seen it done right, I happen to be one of those peculiar fancies)  please look in the mirror first.  Do the "crazy" that works for you, not someone else.  Especially if you are wearing the cheap replicated version of everything a celebrity wears.  Be your own weird you, not a copy of someone else.  Oh and remember there is a time and place for everything.  Pink and black tutus are not appropriate for court appearances or parent teacher conferences.  Halloween comes once a year, ummkaaay?

Just because you think you look good, doesn't make it true.  I digress.......

Admitting and accepting the obvious....

Well, I have always been one of those decent people that bully others into doing the right thing.  You know, I beat up the bullies who harassed my nerd friends from advanced placement classes.  This is the person who grew up to stand up to jackasses in public service positions, upscale stores, restaurants, etc.  Was a fur wearing vegetarian for eight years (somebody else eats it if i don't) and I actually go to the machine to recycle my own bottles.  I have grown up to be a tough, fun-loving, fancy, smart-ass..... granola.  You know the tree hugger people, but with flavor, like the new Nature's Valley Dark Chocolate kind.  All this time, I thought I was a Nutrigrain bar. Unbelievable.
I washed my hair with a soap that I have teased people about and damn if it didnt get my locs clean and surprising soft and un-earthy smelling, you know that earthy smell.... like dirt & patchouli or lavender twigs  & ragweed.  I washed my hand with this stuff at a friends house and I was freaked out by the regular scent and went for the dish washing liquid.  But today my allergy to sulfur forced me to buy this.... Damn you Dr.Bronner for the scent that has made me smile since the days of Woolworth 10 cent pay toilets with the weird neon yellow.  Almond. 
i digress....

Slainte!!!! and the Morning

St. Patrick's Day is one of my favorite holidays, probably because my family name(s) are Patrick and Mc Fadden.  I have seen many fun and exciting things over the years, but this year was extra special.  Lets "Keep it Classy" and make this as exciting as the Emmys.  After you read this, I'm sure you know why I chose to digress.  Enjoy.

For Best T-Shirt, the winner is....... 'Drink Up Bitches!'                          

Best Transporatation.......
Segway Santa of the Leprechauns (AND he taught me how to ride this cute lil' moto)
















           Best Accessory....... Tiara Man (Tailored suit, and hetero.. I think)

Raggedy-iest Tranportation...... Mis-Matched Limo

Best Boobies..... Wild Irish Rose

 The morning After.....

    Best Hostage....... 120th St. Arizona

Bienvenido a Miami!!!

Ok, ok, ok.  I know it's been forever since I posted, so you know the gates are swinging on one hinge.  My aunt and I arrived in Miami after escaping a ice storm two days ago.  Of course South Beach has been living up to its reputation for her first visit to the circus.
 I will begin at the start of the madness.... After lunch with our decision to take a 1-day city tour that included a free day yesterday afternoon.
While we waited on the stairs of the Art Deco Visitors Center, a foreign woman of a Spanish descent (European or Latin, I don't know) came up t my aunt and I and said these words I will never forget.
"Ehhhm, I- how do you say, ummm, where is the Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Once I got past the initial shock, I told her in the most irritated voice that anyone could muster in this situation, "I don't knoww, ask them <hand waving wildly at the scattered tourists>"
BIENVENIDO A MIAMI
When the tour bus finally showed up, we had to run for it, because it stopped in traffic, in front of some randomly placed signs on the sidewalk, and off hopped the guide.  This guy was a puerto rican version of Waka Flack Flame, Fat Joe and a Chicano Crip (In other words, HOOD).  When I saw the sliver of gold or silver metal in his teeth, I knew what kind of day this would be.  He was originally a Bronx bomber who learned the justice system the hard way, so I thought it would be best I keep his identity under wraps.  But this tour had some unexpected sights such as the one below.  Miami's "Where is Waldo the Beach Bum" has done it again.

Look closely at ol' "Wally" next to the Rolls Royce, Bentley Coupe, and cherry red Porche.  Thank the sweet Lord for stop lights or this would have been simply my word against your belief in me.  One word for this man..... Balllliiiinnnnn!!!!

I had the pleasure of seeing the first Black barber shop in the first Black settlement of Florida.  This was another area where you might feel "some kind of way" by creating a Kodak moment, so the rest of the tour was pretty uneventful.  So we went to Wet Willies, and that is ALWAYS a three-ring circus that has alcohol as the ring master.  The sat a chick with a set of eyes, full with eyebrows, tattooed on her back staring at my back.  I decided to look away when I noticed she was accompanied by three rejects from tough guy central.  She started a trend I'd like to dub, "Ain't nuthin' but a Rent Party" aka ANBRP for short (meaning: these chicks are trickin' for the dollars, because the first of the month is coming soon.

This is a crime.  10 jello shots with 153 grain alcohol for $5

Auntie and I decided it was shot time (Jersey shore style) over at Fat Tuesday, and after being blown away by the cigarette smoke, we took the last cup and walked out.
As soon as I crossed the street, I ran into one of the ladies from dance class and her friend, seated outside of the Clevelander pool bar.  As we caught up on lost chit chat, our eyes were draw to another ANBRP chick giving this geezer the cheap thrills of his life.  See for yourself as she winds up for round two of the stools.  They were soon joined by two of his friends and who know what kind of deals were struck.

This is BEFORE the top came up, and AFTER
she straddled him standing and the short stroll.

 So now, things are swinging ino high gear.  It was time to move on.  On our trip to Lincoln Road, we encountered many raggedy, hot messes, drunks, bums, etc.  But nothing could prepare us for the thing we found and saw next.  I will makes this easier for you by listing the occurrences in order.

1.  Lying on the sidewalk, one pair of celery green thongs.  One question: Where they dropped or removed?

Satin meets sidewalk.  

2.  A UFC style fight between a stoned G.I. Jane skater chick, who was obviously well-trained in mixed martial arts vesus an "impaired" inferiorly trained guy.   She kicked the bricks off this dude for 20 minutes, in and out of a famous piece of installation art at the entrance of Lincoln road.  One question:  Why did her husband proudly offer me to get this photo at a better angle?


3.  Random undergarments strewn about the sidewalk, some with tags.  I was sent this photo by the friend from dance class who left half way through the water fight.  One question:  Were these item flung from a window or tossed from a car?

Well, thats all I have for now, besides enjoying the "baby tacos (tiny tortilla shells)" stuffed with chicken for 99 cents each with no toppings included (I paid the extra). So good night until the next time, keep your eyes and ears open, I's sure the gate will swing past you too.

Motherly Love...... Interests.

Ok, keep in mind that my mother is 55 years old, African American (and very proud of it!), and pretty laid back.  She's a football mom that paints the car with 'go team' and my brother's jersey number, etc.  Not to focused on dating but occasionally goes out with her girlfriends or another middle-aged gentleman of color.  So you could imagine my surprise a few years ago when she opened her mouth and said these words....."You know who I think is sooooo sexy?"
Slightly freaked out and curious, I dared to say, "who?"
In a breathy voice she responds with something like, "That Kid Rock, you know he's a good guy with the charities and all.  And that dingy redneck thing he's got going on....oooohhh I just love it.  You know he likes Black women...."  
I almost passed out.  My mother loves the American Bad Ass?!?!  GTFO!!!!  Don't get me wrong, I love Kid Rock's music and I give him the utmost respect for his support of our troops/charity affiliations, but he is the epitome of a cool redneck (like the guys I grew up with).  You don't picture your mother drooling at this guy.  Apparently, this had been a topic of discussion among her friends and some actually had the same opinion (they are all different races, between the ages of 30-50).   I just shook my head.
So this past weekend, as I chatted with her on the phone during a visit to the Wine and Liquor Warehouse (great prices for a party), I picked up a bottle of this new Red Stag Cherry Jim Beam, endorsed by none other than..... Mr.Kid Rock!  When I told her, she dropped the new bomb on me.  "You know I love that 'thing' [Kid Rock], but you know who else is hot?"
Again, the feeling of nausea and intrigue.
"You know, Steven Tyler, that new judge on American Idol!  He wears those skinny jeans and the boots and the hair.....woooooo!"

I was through.  The very bands (Aerosmith, Kiss, Guns N' Roses, Motley Crue, etc.) she banned me from listening to in the 80's and 90's, she has been goo-goo eyeing their front men!  She's even slipped a Axel Rose comment in.  But now with the Steven Tyler revelation, at least he's in her age range.  Funny enough, she seems to find tall asian men very intriguing as well.  Good Lord!  The gate is swinging.....

Welcome to the insanity :)

"Who Kicked The Gate Open???"- (h kkt  gt pn)
Idioms:
1. question (usually) posed when a enclosure access has been disturbed from its natural state by force.
a. bewildered inquiry when something abnormal infiltrates functions in normal life functions.


Phrasal Verb
a. verbal comment display feelings of disbelief.
b. response in a state of shock, surprise, anger, and or humor.


Synonymous Phrase(s):
"What in the H*ll?", "Whutnef*k?", "Why did they do that?", "What's wrong with you?"


Finally, here it is.... My journey through life that makes me wonder one thing: WHY COME, not how come.  There are not enough words in the dictionary to explain the unfolding "insanity" that ensues on a daily basis right before my very eyes.  These are the stories that chronicle a day in the life of 'me', usually standing/sitting/leaning somewhere dumbfounded from the things I seen or experienced.  Often, you are highly entertained by the comical stories that you may think have been dramatized for effect.  But through this blog, you will soon be wondering, "Who Kicked The Gate Open" through the photos and commentaries that prove the 'ridiculousness' in my field of vision that keeps life interesting in an often mundane world.