# 1. Retro Metro Sexuals
Thigh Low Skinny Pants, strapped to the legs with a knock-off designer belt. We all know the belt is fake if you are running around advertising it. Swagg speaks for itself, period. Point blank. Now, WTF is a preppy homo thug (this includes girls, boys, boi, boii, etc.)?!? A cardigan and plaid boxers with a phatty resting on the waistband? Or finely arched eyebrows on a a gent, waaaay tighter than his girl's. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with ladies and gents that choose to love who they choose. Love is love. But I do have a problem with these folks who choose to creep around, unprotected (in their mind, its gay to use protection), lying, and worst of all attacking grown-a$$ people who are proud of their sexuality. It isn't my choice, or yours...
# 2. Ratty A$$ weaves, Wigs, Braids, Lace Fronts, and Lashes
When will you ladies learn to find the correct texture, and color of hair? NO ONE HAS THAT SILKY BARBIE DOLL HAIR OR LASHES!!!! Its all well and good if you have properly tucked, slicked and trained in your stray hairs (kitchen and baby hairs) or made sure the lash glue has not worn itself out at the club last night before stepping out in the daylight. But unless you are doing the 'Walk of Shame'.....puh-leeeezzzzze get your mind right. This is not a comment just for the sistas, because the White girls always sport the worst weaves ever. Brittney Spears and Paris Hilton are the leading offenders in this field. Please go see Beyonce's stylist immediately. Stop looking like Pookie at the Compton Swap Meet found and did your hair. Depending on your texture, buy the Yaki straight or the Remy hair, please.
# 3. Snatch Patch or Snorch Scorch Mohawks
Okay, I love a good mohawk, really I do. But when you have a barber that is clueless on how to achieve this trendy look properly, its time to break out the fitted cap and change stylists. You should not look like you have been to the Brazilian bikini wax lady to style your tresses or scooped the latest dead squirrel-style a toupee' atop to your head. Period point blank......Do it right or not at all.
# 4. The Dirty Hippie, Faux Naturelle or Rummage sale Look
Please don't do the broke look is best. Randomly thrown on dirty looking, ill-fitting, ratty clothes, new or used, shouldn't be a part of your wardrobe. Please don't make people think you are lacking in the three T's: taste, tact, and thought. Mixed media is for art, not clothing.
Please be respectful of others cultural garments. Don't put on a turban or headwrap, especially if you are simply hiding a bad hair day or trying to look "cool". That is rude. The Erykah Ba-don't look is not the way to go. And wear the proper undergarments, as all the cultures you are mimicking do.
Most of all, if your shoes are holey, let them go. If they are a little wirn and dingy, that's really what the style is supposed to be. Its SOHO, Not HOBO. Put them out to pasture and don't donate them ANYWHERE!
# 5. Broke Avante Garde aka Lady Gaga and Nikki Minaj wannabes
If you choose to do a very eccentric look ( I have seen it done right, I happen to be one of those peculiar fancies) please look in the mirror first. Do the "crazy" that works for you, not someone else. Especially if you are wearing the cheap replicated version of everything a celebrity wears. Be your own weird you, not a copy of someone else. Oh and remember there is a time and place for everything. Pink and black tutus are not appropriate for court appearances or parent teacher conferences. Halloween comes once a year, ummkaaay?
Just because you think you look good, doesn't make it true. I digress.......