The "offender" list was so out of control between the hours of 12:30am and 4:30am I can't type fast enough! I will try my damndest to put it all in sequence. There is a thin line between a lot of things (love & hate, virtue & virgin, blahhh blahhh you get the idea )and we have some real life examples right here.
First up for bids....... The MTA
There's a thin Liiiinnnnnnne....
1. .....Between Coherent and Brain-Warped- I suppose if you are manning the rails every and all day chanting the messages/stop info to assist the dedicated (dependent) riders that had to wait a light-year for the train to arrive on its weekend schedule, mush mouth boredom might maybe the result at the end of the shift. BUT when you have only been at work for 20-30 minutes (on the first run) there is no excuse for you to sound like you ate shrapnel coated rocks with juicy alcohol centers. I mean reallly, WTF? We were all like, "hey, maybe its the speakers". But I heard him speak as I exited the train at 42nd Street Times Square sounding like he sprung for the extra shot of gin before the ride. I wonder if he knows, Gin make you sin.
2. .....Between a Restroom and a Synchronized Swimming Team Prep Station- I tell you, I was ready to start singing Mr. Sandman, swirl around and kick up a leg at the sinks in the BestBuy Theater's ladies room. It was spectacular with its stainless steel finish, brick red terrazzo-style tiles, ample space, sink, mirrors, stalls, and light fixtures/chandeliers. But the highlight was the sleeping attendant that awoke before I could get her photograph for you all. Damnitsamuel!
3. ......Between Preference and Shame- Things got pretty awkward when the song "Brown-Skinned Lady" was performed, knowing that there were so few 'sistas' in the crowd and the 'brothas' has pink/white/yellow (non black or latino)-skinned ladies on there side. I have never seen a man shrink up like the wicked witch of the east's legs under that house in the Wizard of OZ while standing. The funny thing was the black guys looked at me like "ummmmmm, errrrrrrr hey you're hot and she's still standing next to me, right?" Sirs, don't be ashamed of yourself or the woman you chose unless you chose her for the wrong reason (money, faux-status, easy access, etc.). If you choose the individual based on the things we all go for (looks, body, personality, etc.) I support your decision. And don't you even think about saying some dumb sh*t about all black women are ____________ (fill in your own negative stereotypical Hollywood perpetuated bullsh*t). That is not true of us all. I like men who are of color, well-tattooed, a few key piercings, may be prone to wear black eyeliner and fingernail polish, but can still sing a church hymn and hold my hand. This is called preference. Resolve your 'mama issues (baby mama, your mama, etc.)
And laawwd sweet baby Jesus in the golden loincloth, poor white guys, stealing glances "ohhhhhhh she does have nice skin, are her lady lumps real? I wonder if she'll let me touch her? Look at her dance/pop lock!" ROFLMAO i can't g go on with tis one, its too reckless.
4. .....Between Inebriated and a Hot A$$-Mess- when Mos has to seriously stop the show and talk to you from the stage and Talib had to get you a bottle of water and eventually removed, because you were soooooooo off-kilter, slurry, belligerent, and obnoxious.... you need to check yourself into rehab. The real kind. You sir, get the Jack-A$$ of the Year Award for this one, not just a nod.
5. .....Between Sexy and 'For Sale'- okay gurls, I like to be as sexy as the next lady, but the happens to be something like common decency and a secret dress-code that you must not have gotten wind of. Lets review. There is a time and place for every outfit that will assure your freedom and arrest for solicitation.
-when wearing mini dresses, please make sure it is the appropriate kind of event. A conscious hip-hop show in the classiest, intimately-sized digs in Times Square is not the place to look like a reject from School Daze or Sixteen Candles minus a few inches of the spandex skirt.
-Also, be sure to wear the appropriate legwear, such as pantyhose, tights, leggings, etc. to make it look polished or trendy/funky. Real men will find this look A LOT more approachable, because they wont fear jail time a charge for being a pimp or a john.
- If you absolutely must go bare-legged, puuuuhhhhh-llleeeeeeaaaaazzzzzzeeeee, grease up your gams! Lotion is for summer, so get some butters.... Shea, Mango, Cocoa, Crisco, Chicken/Chittlin' Grease or whatever you have. Nothing says 42nd Street 1980's hooker like ashy-ass legs and a shirt as a dress.