they call him Mellow Yellow!!!!

they call him Mellow Yellow!!!!
Welcome to the insanity!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Summer's here, are you ready for this???

Summer is here and prep time is done.  But some folks are having some partial adjustment issues.  Don't get me wrong, my little feet aren't opposed to an upgrade or two in the cosmetic department, but 'damnit Jim!' you can't walk around the town with these all too common, reckless issues.

1. Corns, "Hammertime", and The culprit- The reason this type occurrence is attacking summer sidewalks is a result in the prior issue of 'just because you think so, doesn't make it true'.  Just because you think the shoe is smaller, will not make your foot look smaller.  All winter you have jammed and crammed you hooves into the wrong size and now continue to purchase ill-fitted sandals that your poor toe tendons are fighting to stay atop.  Not to mention, that the corns are singing, "hallelujah im free!"

2. "The Vanishing Act"- Ok. I understand this is a recession, but this has been a problem since man discovered indigo and lacquer.
- DIY technicians, you know good and well you didn't use a base or top coat, so suck it up and remove the cracked up polish and start over.  Don't you dare run a fresh coat over that travesty lingering from last month.
-Don't go blaming the Asian nail lady, you must brush a light coat of clear polish on your mani/pedi every three days.  Yeah it seems excessive, but it will have you looking decent until you go for another pampering session.  If you are still sporting that design from last summer that you can't let go of, stop the madness and remove it.  No one knows what it was from last August.  Like a bruk-down California manicure.
- Most importantly (I can't stress this enough).....LOTION YOUR DAMN FEET!  Asian, Black, Hispanic, White people: Ladies and Gents!  Just do it!  If you fear slippery feet, slather it on early or the night before with thin cotton socks.  You feet should not resemble the cracked NYC sidewalks or powder keg coated slave feet.  NO ONE wants crusty feet shredding them to bits.  Freshly manicured toes should be glossy as you gams.

and last, but not least......
3.  "Shrimp Cocktail"-  You might have spent $200 for the sandal but they will look like a pair of $13.88 Gussinni Shoes from the 50% sale rack if you walk around with your toes gripping the edge of your shoe, or worse yet scraping the sidewalk.  If they didn't have your size, have them call another location or better yet, have them shipped to you!  Most stores do this for free nowdays.  Or pull out your Iphone, Android or Crackberry phone to good use and get it on Amazon or something.  This is another victim of "the culprit" waiting to be stricken with "hammertime".

My dear friends, I cannot stress this enough.  Your feet carry you all day long, so be good to them.  They will return the favor.  Pick yourself up and get to scrubbin'!

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